


i know you are but what am i (Fanmix)

by sasha_annes



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, F/M, Fanmix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-21 10:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17041925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasha_annes/pseuds/sasha_annes
Summary: A mix for booktubelover7's "i know you are (but what am i)," created as part of the Blackhawks Big Fic Energy challenge.





	1. Mix artwork and tracklist

**Author's Note:**

  * For [booktubelover7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/booktubelover7/gifts).
  * Inspired by [i know you are (but what am i)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17032008) by [booktubelover7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/booktubelover7/pseuds/booktubelover7). 



 

Listen to the mix on Spotify [here!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4cdwLtsD7AIGD2TfACZBOZ)

Tracklist

1.) Home – Foo Fighters

2.) Outside Looking In – Jordan Pruitt

3.) Cruel Summer - Bananarama

4.) One Little Victory - Rush

5.) Back To Life - Rock Kills Kid

6.) Pon de Replay - Rihanna

7.) Swallow My Pride - Ramones

8.) Kind & Generous - Natalie Merchant

9.) Crush - Mandy Moore

10.) Just A Girl - No Doubt

11.) Jealous Bone - Patty Loveless

12.) Complicated - Avril Lavigne

13.) Unwell - Matchbox Twenty

14.) How Does It Feel - Avril Lavigne

15.) For You I Will (Confidence) - Teddy Geiger

16.) Fix You - Coldplay

17.) Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to booktubelover7 for writing such an amazing fic. I'd definitely recommend giving it a read as it is *that* great. I also want to thank her for being incredibly kind to me throughout the process of making this mix. Let's just say I asked a lot of questions, and she was beyond helpful. I had a blast creating the mix, and part of that was because I got to create it for such an awesome author :).
> 
> I'd also like to give a huge thanks to the BBFE mods for putting on such an exciting event. I can't imagine how stressful running such a challenge is, and they have been doing a terrific job.


	2. Tracklist with explanations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: There will be spoilers for the fic in the explanations. If you haven't already done so, I'd highly recommend reading the fic before continuing onward.

1.) Home – Foo Fighters

  * I wanted the first song of the mix to be one that expresses Pat's longing to go back to Buffalo. While she hasn't been in her new town for very long, I thought this song was fitting due to the narrator's reflections on what has happened since they left their home, as I can easily imagine Pat doing the same.



2.) Outside Looking In – Jordan Pruitt

  * This song represents when Pat goes to her first practice at her new school. At first, her teammates don't know her name or anything about her. While they probably weren't spreading rumors about her, who knows if that's one of the thoughts that passes through Pat's anxious mind as she tries her best to fit in where she doesn't think she belongs.



3.) Cruel Summer - Bananarama

  * Pat is really upset about the move, so she dwells on it for quite a bit of the beginning of the fic. This song is another for how lonely she feels. This is also the best way I could tie Pat's phone calls and emails to Gags into the mix. While it isn't his fault, Pat isn't a big fan of her and Gags being separated during this cruel, cruel summer. 



4.) One Little Victory - Rush

  * Congratulations to Patricia Kane for making the varsity team! I had a bit of trouble finding a good song for her victory, but I settled on this song in the end. I like how it mentions that one little victory can turn into another chance for success, which I felt matches the accomplishment of making the varsity team. 



5.) Back To Life - Rock Kills Kid

  * Throughout the beginning of the fic, Pat just wants to feel a little less lonely. As the school year continues into mid-fall, she's finally feeling like she's fitting in. She's playing hockey, and she's winning. She made new friends both on and outside the team. And that's why I picked this song, as I feel Pat figuratively "came back to life" in the fall.



6.) Pon de Replay - Rihanna

  * Typical 2000s dance track for the Halloween school dance. One of the reasons I chose this song instead of some other dance song of the era was that it doesn't have much of a story with the lyrics. Besides that, there's not much to say about this one.



7.) Swallow My Pride - Ramones

  * Winter's nearly here, Pat's gonna be on this team for the next two years, and she's gotta swallow her pride and apologize to Jonny about the fight they had during the Halloween dance. To my surprise, it was rather tough finding a song about apologizing that suited the fic. This is the one I decided would work in the end. It might be old, but hey, it works.



8.) Kind & Generous - Natalie Merchant

  * I love the Christmas team dinner scene where Pat is gifted the River Heights hoodie. It really shows how far her relationship with the team has come since summer. I picked this song to represent what she's feeling towards her teammates. 



9.) Crush - Mandy Moore

  * And here we are, when Pat finally comes to the realization that she has a crush on Jonny. I picked this song because of its early 2000s release date and how to-the-point it is on having a crush. What more can I say?



10.) Just A Girl - No Doubt

  * Throughout the story, it's evident that Pat deals with a lot of (pardon the language) shit for being a girl playing hockey. In no scene did I find this more evident than when River Heights played Stamford. I chose this song to commemorate that moment because it talks about how girls are expected to be weak and incapable of doing things alone. I can imagine Pat scoring goal after goal on Stamford, turning to look at them, and saying, "Oh, I'm just a girl, right?"



11.) Jealous Bone - Patty Loveless

  * I added this song to reflect the scene where Pat gets rather jealous of the girls on the soccer team - they were getting looks from Jonny, after all. I also feel it helps reflect the progression in Pat's feelings toward Jonny, as well.



12.) Complicated - Avril Lavigne

  * This song is for how Jonny starts acting, well, complicated, particularly in regards to how he treats Gags at Sharpy's party. Sure, he might not have been wearing preppy clothes, but to Pat, he acts like a completely different person at the party. 



13.) Unwell - Matchbox Twenty 

  * Fun fact: this was the first song I added to the mix. This song represents Pat's struggle with her mental health after she is injured. Perhaps she's not "dodging glances on the train," but the song fits her anxious mindset. I can definitely see her saying, "I know, right now you don't care," to nearly anyone she knows during this low point.



14.) How Does It Feel - Avril Lavigne

  * And suddenly, Pat's feeling like it's the beginning of summer again and she's completely different than her teammates. She's overwhelmed and tired. I love the lines "Would you comfort me? / Would you cry with me?" for the fact that they work to reference the scene where Sharpy comforts Pat. 



15.) For You I Will (Confidence) - Teddy Geiger

  * And Pat's sitting in Jonny's car, right after she basically let it slip that she's caught some major feelings for her teammate. In that moment, she has to muster all the confidence she has and tell him how she feels. I felt this song fit perfectly for that moment.



16.) Fix You - Coldplay

  * This was a song suggested to me by the author, so thank you to her! This song is for the scene after River Heights is eliminated from the playoffs, and Pat attempts to comfort Jonny. I feel the atmosphere created by this song is perfect for the moments where Pat tries to distract her boyfriend from the crushing loss.



17.) Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden

  * The fic ends with this beautiful scene of Pat and Jonny sitting on a curb outside a restaurant. In this moment, Pat feels as if she truly belongs in her new town, with her new teammates and her new boyfriend. I'm willing to bet she could stay like that forever, until the sky falls down on her.



 


End file.
